I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
