i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
