I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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