you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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