I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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