It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
