haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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