at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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