the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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