Having a random hookup so left but love u
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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