if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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