Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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