...so i touched it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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