I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
