you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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