Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
