What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
