she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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