Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
