she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize