bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
