He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
