Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
