gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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