I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
