today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
3 2 1 whiskey
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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