just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
