She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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