shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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