You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
