I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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