): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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