batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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