Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
