I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize