If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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