i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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