I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
