I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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