i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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