While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Who died my cat blue again?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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