Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize