I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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