he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
