I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
