I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
