On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
