Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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