you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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