so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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