Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
