yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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