Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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