i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
