you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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