Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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