True but thats because hes a fetus.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
