Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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