so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You were trust falling into bushes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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