Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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