watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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